2015 in Review: Focus on the Positive

Well, I'm just going to come out and say that I'm not really sorry to see 2015 go. It was not the worst year of my life, but it was definitely up there in terms of crappiness. There were workplace issues (that I won't go into here) and budget issues that made the workplace issues even more challenging. There were health issues for both a beloved family member and for me. I didn't run much in the winter or spring so it was a pretty low mileage year for me. In the early summer, a week or two I submitted my book manuscript to the academic press with which I hoped to publish, I was on the phone with my best friend and pretty much broke down and wept tears of exhaustion, bitterness, anger, and sorrow. Because the first part of the year had been so hard, I had put all of my energy into finishing the book manuscript in order to cope. That meant I had been avoiding a lot of emotional discomfort, but it also meant that I had been working almost nonstop. I couldn't articulate a single goal or dream that wasn't career related. I felt like an automaton.

Since then I've been slowly digging out of that hole with a lot of help, but it's hard. There are still many low moments, when I'm reminded of exactly why the first part of the year was so challenging. Yet, I am resilient. I have some level of agency in all of this. I can make choices. And the year hasn't been all bad. Even during those dark times, there were many good things happened that buoyed my spirits and kept me moving forward. Here is a recap of some of them.

In January I took a trip to New York City to go to a conference. The highlights included meeting with several editors for presses and seeing some dear friends from graduate school. Later in the month Mark and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary.

In February I worked alongside some great students at a community service project. We celebrated Mark's birthday.

March brought the returning light to my northern abode. It also brought a fabulous spring break trip to visit friends in Florida. ANC friends helped me celebrate my birthday with a cupcakes and cocktail party at my house. I also directed an undergraduate research conference, which was an amazing academic experience for all involved.

In April I really returned to running. I ran a fun 5K with a couple of frolleagues (friends + colleagues). I tapped a birch tree for the first time and went on a sea life watching excursion with a couple of girlfriends.

May brought the end of the spring semester and with it more flexibility in my schedule. I turned my focus to finishing my book manuscript, but Mark and I were able to squeeze in some nice hikes, bike rides, and brunches.

During the first part of the month of June, I was completely focused on finishing the book. When I submitted, I didn't immediately get a bit of a break because I had previously committed to attend two back-to-back conferences in the Midwest. Although I don't recommend that and it was rather stressful, I love conferencing. I got to see a number of friends, talk intensely about research and approaches, and get good feedback on my new(ish -- I think I can still kind of call it new) side project. I also roomed with a copanelist at one of the conferences, and we got on like a house on fire and continue to be in touch about fun books and running as well as academic stuff, which was an unexpected but delightful boon. After the conferences I was able to tag on a visit to see my family for a week.

July allowed me to downshift a bit. We went on more hikes and bike rides. I read a lot of novels and bought an adult coloring book and a box of crayons. I went to a weekly yoga class with a couple of girlfriends. Mark and I also went sea kayaking, which was amazing!

In August we visited Mark's family for a few days in Toronto and at a cottage on a lake in the Ontario countryside, where my oldest niece learned to canoe and play card games that I have never mastered. My sister gave birth to a third baby girl! After our return, my dear friend Lizzie came to visit for a few days. The fall semester started, and the nerd in me couldn't help but fall for the promise of a new academic year. August brought me a lot of really great moments. Without a doubt, the best professional moment was hearing from my editor that my book had been recommended for publication.

September was a pretty quiet month, but it brought a 10K PR. I also drew up my plan for tackling the revisions for my book manuscript.

In October, I ran a half marathon. It wasn't a PR, but I achieved my time goal for the race and took several minutes off my time from this race back in 2012. Toward the end of the month I went to a conference in Vancouver. Although I didn't get to spend much time outside of the conference hotel, it's such a great city! I ate well. I saw friends. I talked about the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries.

November was pretty hectic, as I worked to finish manuscript revisions and grade my way through many piles of papers. I did the gratitude project which really helped my emotional and mental state at a dark and stressful time of the year. I also started running with a new friend here.

In December, I hosted a fun cookie party for the student organization I advise. Mark and I had a Chanukah Dinner Party featuring his delicious latkes. I watched some of my students graduate. I finished my book revisions and sent off my manuscript. Finally, we hopped on a plane and spent Christmas with my family. I got to meet my new niece and play pony castle and hide and seek, color, and read (and reread) books with my other two nieces on that side of the family.

In my previous post, I talked about making a more conscious effort to shift perspective and cultivate gratitude and happiness. So while I'm relieved to see 2015 go, I will also acknowledge that this year provided me with many beautiful moments and a number of opportunities for growth. I'm still working to overcome some of its challenges, but I'm thankful to have the chance.

What was your greatest challenge of 2015? What was one of your happiest moments of this past year? Happy New Year!

Contemplating Mystical Unicorns

Earlier today I was writing some lecture notes for a class session on medieval religious devotion and female mystics, like Julian of Norwich, and I accidentally typed the words "contemplating mystical unicorns" instead of "contemplating mystical unions". Perhaps this typo was a bit ... um... errr... Freudian.... I mean, who doesn't dream of riding a unicorn?

Seriously, though, maybe my mystical unicorns are those things that I wish for and hope for and work toward, but still seem maddeningly elusive at present -- the things that are hiding in the Forbidden Forest. What are your mystical unicorns? What are some of the goals that seem out of reach to you right this minute but that you believe that with hard work you can attain?

Here are some of my mystical unicorns.

1. Running a sub two hour half-marathon. Clearly the 11:10 min/mile pace that I've been running here lately on my longer runs isn't going to get me to this goal tomorrow, but I hope to get there eventually. I hope in 2013. It means that I will have to shave a minute per mile off of my PR half-marathon pace, but I'm starting to reintegrate some speedwork into my routine and hoping that with continued hard work I can set a new PR at this distance later in 2012.

2. Getting tenure. Like many most people working in academia these days, I'm not currently in a tenure-track position. I hope that before long this will change, not only for me individually but for the profession as a whole. I would say more, but I don't want this post to turn into a rant about labor practices.

3. Mastering bakasana. This pose has eluded me for many years. I will probably have to gain some more upper body strength and lose a few pounds in order to float into this pose and hold it rather than barely getting into it for less than a split second.

4. And, of course, going for a ride on a mystical unicorn.