January 2016 in Review

I know it's cliche, but I can't believe January is already over. The semester is in full swing. I already have piles of grading to do and more irons than fires to heat them. Yet, I'm not sure I would have it any other way. Here's a brief recap of my progress toward each of my big four goals for the year.

1. Run my third marathon and PR while doing it.
I'm hoping to hit 800 miles this year, and in January I ran 41.15 miles. My first full week of marathon training with TNT is also in the books, and it was lovely to run with other members of the team. My most challenging run was probably just a short recovery run last Monday. The trails were really mushy and slick and my slow pace felt a lot harder than it should on a recover run. I might have bailed early had I not been with my buddy who shares my love of bright running clothes. My best run was probably Saturday's 50 minute run. I just felt steady and in-tune with my body the whole time. Also I was delighted that the trails were much less slippery than I anticipated. I did a fair amount of cross-training this month, as well, so 2016 is off to a solid start in the running and fitness category.

2. Progress on my academic research projects. I have been leading a writing group at my university and, as a result, over the past couple of weeks have made some good progress on revising a draft of an article I'm hoping to send out by the end of this term. As of yesterday, I have met my goal of transcribing five documents for my new book project this month. I've also started drafting a proposal for a conference paper. I'm hoping that I will get accepted and be able to go to the conference in August.

3. Establish a mindful practice of gratitude and optimism. There have been some pretty big obstacles to this: the Alaska economic problems and concerns about budgets at my institution have been worrisome. The semester started with the announcement of a hiring and travel freeze (thus, my uncertainty about being able to attend the conference if I'm accepted). We know more cuts will be coming. There's not much I can do about the price of oil, though, so I've been trying to focus on positive things and positive steps to change things I can control. One thing I've been doing is journaling daily in a gratitude app. I only missed one day in January. Another thing I've been trying to do is say thank you more frequently to colleagues who lend a hand and to students who are working hard inside and outside of the classroom. In general, I'm trying to be a bit more polite and patient. I am privileged in many ways.

4. Write some non-academic things. Well, I've already written more blog posts in 2016 than I did in 2014 and 2015 combined so there's that. I've started working on a short story, but I admit that I'm struggling a bit to find a voice and a style outside of the academic genre. It's been ages since I've written any fiction so it's not a surprise that I'm finding it to be alien terrain. We'll see how it goes, but I'm hoping to finish at least one draft of one short story by the end of the semester. I've been trying to get up early and research and write this piece two days a week, but due to the insidious workaholism to which I can be prone it's hard for me not to feel guilty for using that time to work on fiction rather than academic writing or class prep.

If you set any goals for the year, how is your progress going? Do you struggle with maintaining work-life balance and/or with feeling guilty about spending time on your interests and hobbies?

Goals and Intentions for 2016

As some of my friends and family members know, I can be something of a chronic goal setter. Obviously this tendency can be good for my professional ambitions and general productivity. However, it can also lead me to feel overwhelmed at times and to feelings of failure at others. It sometimes also creates situations in which it's hard for me to be still or to feel gratitude for a recent accomplishment before feeling like I have been slacking. It can make a person feel like she always needs to be moving on toward the next milepost. Knowing all of this about myself, I would like to set fewer major goals this year than I have in some (I'm looking at you, 2011 and 2012).

The truth is I know that I will continue to work hard to advance in my career, that I will continue to set goals for myself as a (pretty slow) runner, and that I will continue to challenge myself to grow in other ways, as well. I'd like to think that I would do this even without putting pen to paper (or fingertips to keyboard in this case), and I probably would. Just in case, though, here are the big things I would like to do/accomplish in 2016.

1. Run my third marathon and PR while doing it. I'm registered to run the Rock 'n' Roll Seattle Marathon in June, and I will be doing it as a fundraiser for Team in Training! I ran my first marathon with them back in 2009, and I'm excited to be doing this again. If you would like to support my fundraising efforts, you can do so here. I'll be posting more about my training plans and workouts, as well as my fundraising endeavors and running musings, in the weeks to come. My intention is to do a lot more of the team workouts this time around than I did the last. Hopefully, that will connect me with some new running buddies. While it's really only an ancillary goal, I hope to hit at least 800 running miles over the course of this year. Time to remember my dailymile password. :)

2. Make significant progress on other research projects. In the spring semester I will be leading a faculty writing group at my institution, and my goal is to submit at an article to an academic journal by the end of the term. I'm also starting to dive into research for my next book project. There are a few contingent factors that make it harder to set more concrete goals at this point, but ideally I would like to transcribe and take notes on at least 5 documents a month during the spring semester. At the end of the term I'll be able to evaluate my progress (and I should also know about the status of some grants and fellowships) and can make further plans for the summer and fall. One of the things I did this past year, which I really got a lot out of on a number of levels, was making a writing pact with my seminar students, so that I had to produce the same number of pages that they had to for their final paper. I would definitely consider doing something like that again in the autumn semester.

3. Establish a mindful practice of gratitude and optimism. There are two key areas/development of habits that I want to focus on in this regard. One is keeping a gratitude journal by using the Gratitude app on my phone on a daily basis. The other is working to retrain my emotional responses to food and my body so that I don't associate so much value and judgment with food.

4. Write some non-academic things. One avenue for this will be this blog. Although it's debatable whether or not it's a good idea to do so pre-tenure, I'd like to write a couple more journalistic pieces even if it turns out that I can't find a home for them. I'd also like to try to return to writing some fiction in 2016. It's been a long time, so I plan to start with a couple of short stories. If it's possible without making work and life overly stressful, toward the end of the year I hope to participate in NaNoWriMo in November. November tends to be a rough month for academics, so if it doesn't work out I'm not going to sweat it.

What are your goals for 2016? If you posted about them, please feel free to share a link in the comments!

2015 in Review: Focus on the Positive

Well, I'm just going to come out and say that I'm not really sorry to see 2015 go. It was not the worst year of my life, but it was definitely up there in terms of crappiness. There were workplace issues (that I won't go into here) and budget issues that made the workplace issues even more challenging. There were health issues for both a beloved family member and for me. I didn't run much in the winter or spring so it was a pretty low mileage year for me. In the early summer, a week or two I submitted my book manuscript to the academic press with which I hoped to publish, I was on the phone with my best friend and pretty much broke down and wept tears of exhaustion, bitterness, anger, and sorrow. Because the first part of the year had been so hard, I had put all of my energy into finishing the book manuscript in order to cope. That meant I had been avoiding a lot of emotional discomfort, but it also meant that I had been working almost nonstop. I couldn't articulate a single goal or dream that wasn't career related. I felt like an automaton.

Since then I've been slowly digging out of that hole with a lot of help, but it's hard. There are still many low moments, when I'm reminded of exactly why the first part of the year was so challenging. Yet, I am resilient. I have some level of agency in all of this. I can make choices. And the year hasn't been all bad. Even during those dark times, there were many good things happened that buoyed my spirits and kept me moving forward. Here is a recap of some of them.

In January I took a trip to New York City to go to a conference. The highlights included meeting with several editors for presses and seeing some dear friends from graduate school. Later in the month Mark and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary.

In February I worked alongside some great students at a community service project. We celebrated Mark's birthday.

March brought the returning light to my northern abode. It also brought a fabulous spring break trip to visit friends in Florida. ANC friends helped me celebrate my birthday with a cupcakes and cocktail party at my house. I also directed an undergraduate research conference, which was an amazing academic experience for all involved.

In April I really returned to running. I ran a fun 5K with a couple of frolleagues (friends + colleagues). I tapped a birch tree for the first time and went on a sea life watching excursion with a couple of girlfriends.

May brought the end of the spring semester and with it more flexibility in my schedule. I turned my focus to finishing my book manuscript, but Mark and I were able to squeeze in some nice hikes, bike rides, and brunches.

During the first part of the month of June, I was completely focused on finishing the book. When I submitted, I didn't immediately get a bit of a break because I had previously committed to attend two back-to-back conferences in the Midwest. Although I don't recommend that and it was rather stressful, I love conferencing. I got to see a number of friends, talk intensely about research and approaches, and get good feedback on my new(ish -- I think I can still kind of call it new) side project. I also roomed with a copanelist at one of the conferences, and we got on like a house on fire and continue to be in touch about fun books and running as well as academic stuff, which was an unexpected but delightful boon. After the conferences I was able to tag on a visit to see my family for a week.

July allowed me to downshift a bit. We went on more hikes and bike rides. I read a lot of novels and bought an adult coloring book and a box of crayons. I went to a weekly yoga class with a couple of girlfriends. Mark and I also went sea kayaking, which was amazing!

In August we visited Mark's family for a few days in Toronto and at a cottage on a lake in the Ontario countryside, where my oldest niece learned to canoe and play card games that I have never mastered. My sister gave birth to a third baby girl! After our return, my dear friend Lizzie came to visit for a few days. The fall semester started, and the nerd in me couldn't help but fall for the promise of a new academic year. August brought me a lot of really great moments. Without a doubt, the best professional moment was hearing from my editor that my book had been recommended for publication.

September was a pretty quiet month, but it brought a 10K PR. I also drew up my plan for tackling the revisions for my book manuscript.

In October, I ran a half marathon. It wasn't a PR, but I achieved my time goal for the race and took several minutes off my time from this race back in 2012. Toward the end of the month I went to a conference in Vancouver. Although I didn't get to spend much time outside of the conference hotel, it's such a great city! I ate well. I saw friends. I talked about the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries.

November was pretty hectic, as I worked to finish manuscript revisions and grade my way through many piles of papers. I did the gratitude project which really helped my emotional and mental state at a dark and stressful time of the year. I also started running with a new friend here.

In December, I hosted a fun cookie party for the student organization I advise. Mark and I had a Chanukah Dinner Party featuring his delicious latkes. I watched some of my students graduate. I finished my book revisions and sent off my manuscript. Finally, we hopped on a plane and spent Christmas with my family. I got to meet my new niece and play pony castle and hide and seek, color, and read (and reread) books with my other two nieces on that side of the family.

In my previous post, I talked about making a more conscious effort to shift perspective and cultivate gratitude and happiness. So while I'm relieved to see 2015 go, I will also acknowledge that this year provided me with many beautiful moments and a number of opportunities for growth. I'm still working to overcome some of its challenges, but I'm thankful to have the chance.

What was your greatest challenge of 2015? What was one of your happiest moments of this past year? Happy New Year!

November in Review

Looking back at my goals for November, I just kind of shake my head and laugh. It was one of those months during which for a variety of reasons - some good and some not-so-good - I did not make a lot of progress on any of my goals. Let's review shall we.

My Professional/Writing Goals were:
1. Revise and resubmit an article. Whenever I think about this goal and how little I did to accomplish it, I feel really ashamed. I can give lots of reasons for not having made sufficient progress. For example, I am still waiting for an interlibrary loan that I requested in October. I need to consult this work before I can finish revisions. But for the rest.... Well, I got behind on grading and then it was pretty much game over for this goal.
2. Continue to do research, take notes, and work on expanding a paper into an article draft. I did make some progress here, but not nearly as much as I would have liked. I did better with this goal during the first couple of weeks of November than I have over the last two weeks.
3. Draft the syllabus for the upper level course that I'm teaching in the spring. There are a few holes here and there, as I'm still playing with assignments, but this is mostly done.

My Fitness/Health Goals were:
1. Be present in the moment, be thankful, and express gratitude. I feel like I actually did a pretty good job of this. At times, I still catch myself multi-tasking, but I'm getting better about it. I've also been trying to remind myself to stay positive or to find positive attributes in the things that seem less pleasant, like running hills and grading papers.
2. Maintain my food journal. Ummm..... This was an epic fail this month. I think I fully kept my journal on fewer than 5 days during November. I'm not sure how I got so off track, but it happened early in the month, and I just never got back on the rails.
3. Run 50 miles. I only ran 39 miles in November, and I'm okay with that. My heel bothered me for a week so I cut my mileage down to make sure I didn't end up with a more problematic injury. I have felt strong on my last few runs, though, and I've been much more consistent with cross-training in November than I have been since the summer.

In retrospect what really derailed me was a glut of paper and exam grading. I realized yesterday that during the month of November I marked 120 papers and 47 blue book exams. Between al that grading, some applications that were due, and necessary class prep, I barely got through the month. In November, I also went to a workshop at another university, ran a bridal shower 5K, met up with Lisa of Lisa's Yarns, celebrated Thanksgiving, went bowling with the student organization that I advise, and found out that I was accepted into a paid writing workshop next month at my institution.

How was your November? Did you write a draft of a novel for NaNoWriMo? Did you finish a book chapter? PR in a race? Host your first Thanksgiving?

Injury Recovery Update and a Race Decision

This weekend I was able to do a 4 mile run.  I had more or less decided that if I could get through a 4 mile run without any pain that I would plan to go ahead and run the 10K that I am registered for next weekend. Going into the run I was cautiously optimistic.

I got up Saturday and met with my running group, which meets up with an even larger group of local runners on Saturdays. Most of them were doing 8 or 9 miles, as their last long run before the Mankato Marathon or Half-Marathon. I had decided that I would just do an out and back 4 milers. My plan was to keep it nice and easy, but I was apparently so excited that I started out a little bit too fast (around a 9 minute mile for the first mile) before I slowed it down for the other 3 miles. I chatted with a running friend on the 2 miles out and they just flew by, as we talked about work and buying running gear for cold weather. I turned back and took a couple of short walk breaks on the return just to be on the safe side with my hip. At the end of the run, my IT band felt tired but I didn't have any pain, so I decided that I'll run the 10K next Saturday and then continue another few weeks of keeping to low mileage and easy running.

The group this past Saturday

My running group got together at our coach's house for breakfast a little later that morning, and in a total blogging fail I took my point and shoot with me but forgot to take a single picture. I was too busy enjoying all the delicious food and chatting with running friends that I hadn't seen much for the past few weeks since my running schedule has been so sporadic because of my injury. It was great to hang out with them and catch up on their training and their lives.

I'm excited to be able to run the 10K this upcoming weekend. After several weeks of minimal running, I'm just really grateful to be able to be able to hit the pavement again. My conditioning has declined after 5 weeks of minimal mileage, and I want to make sure that I don't wind up sidelined again by going out too fast, so I have absolutely no time goals for this race. I just want to have fun and enjoy running it.

I spent most of the rest of my weekend hunkered down and working, so it was a treat to be able to run and hang out with running friends on Saturday morning. What did you do this weekend?  Any races, awesome brunches, or football games?

Two Miles and a Thank You

First of all, I just wanted to say thank you so much to those who commented on my last post. I gave myself permission to throw myself a pity party and letting myself legitimately feel upset, disappointed, and out of sorts actually helped me to work through those feelings better than if I had tried to slap on a smile and accept all of this with stoic fortitude. The fact that you were all so supportive reminded me of one of the many reasons that I run: the running community rocks! I appreciate your readership and kindness more than I can say.

I have been able to manage two short runs these past few days without feeling IT Band pain. This past Thursday I ran three 6 minute intervals with a couple of minutes of walking in between. Yesterday, I met up with my dear friend Suzie for an easy and social 2 miler. My hip felt tired at the end of both of these runs, but I experienced no pain or cramping. I'm going to keep the mileage low and mix in a couple of days of active rest in between runs for the rest of the month to be on the safe side, but I'm delighted to be running again! I think the chiropractic care - especially Graston Technique - and the two weeks off from running with continued stretching, foam rolling, and icing, have helped me make significant strides in coming back from this.

I cannot tell you what a difference not running has made in my outlook and anxiety level. Yoga and cycling have helped a lot, but I have missed burning off negative energy and the thought-clearing process that running provides me. This has been such a reminder for me to not take my health for granted and also to make sure to carve out time for self-care and exercise. Once I stopped training for Chicago, I really let grading and other obligations slip into that hour or so a day that I had been using for training when I still should have been preserving that time for me - for my physical, mental, and emotional health. I need to remember that even if I'm not running 6 miles, I still need to give myself that time. I'm a better person when I do.

How was your weekend? What did you do? Any races? Any social runs? Any delicious meals?

Sports Psychology and Mental Toughness

On Tuesday afternoon I had my first appointment with Dr. Cindra Kamphoff, a sport psychologist who has a practice  called The Runner's Edge.  Dr. Kamphoff helps runners reach their potential by developing their mental toughness.  During our first session, which lasted about 90 minutes, she asked me a number of questions about what was going well in my running, what wasn't going so well, how I saw myself (as related to my running) on both good days and bad days, and about my long-term and short-term running goals.  We also discussed mental roadblocks that I had been experiencing during my runs - both during training and during races - and began to discuss some of the strategies that I could use during my training to overcome them.

I tried to be very honest about some of the barriers I'd been coming up against and how negative thoughts and self-doubt have been impacting my running.  It's not that I slam into a wall in every run, but I do every couple of weeks.  I want to become more optimistic and confident as a runner.  Dr. Kamphoff and I walked through some of the feedback loops I've been experiencing and discussed ways to counter negative thoughts  and to reframe situations so that I have fewer self-doubts and more control over my thoughts and feelings.

For example, we talked about how I have a tendency to compare myself to other runners and get upset that I'm not faster or that I don't look a certain way and how that can sometimes tank a run for me.  She gave me some ideas for trying to reset my focus on positives and affirmatives, concentrating on how many miles I've run since becoming a runner, why I love to run, and telling myself that I am getting faster and that I will continue to get faster.

Toward the end of the session we prioritized the things that we would focus on in our next sessions, in particular visualization techniques and mentally mapping out races and runs so that I can get better at pushing through pain and fatigue and continue developing my self-confidence as a runner.  We'll be in email contact about once a week and we'll meet again about a week before my next half-marathon and sometime in late September/early October before the Chicago Marathon.

It was a great session, and I left the meeting feeling very excited about my goals, running, and working on being aware of my thoughts and reframing them.  I am feeling more and more confident that by continuing to work on my mental focus and by running with a local group a couple of times a week that I will PR at my half-marathon next month and that I will PR with a sub 5 hour time at the Chicago Marathon in October.