Having a blog and trying to blog honestly about goals can make it difficult to hide feeling like you are starting over, yet again. These days I am struggling a little bit in my running and far more than I would like to be in my research and writing. While I feel pretty good about having mostly rebuilt my basic fitness in November, I am not quite running the mileage that I would like to be at this point. I try to be grateful that I am able to run without ITB pain, but there are times when I'm frustrated that my speed and endurance are nowhere near what they were during the summer months. I'm also beyond irritated that I have to return my new Forerunner 405 because it will not work. So, for the time being, I am back to running without a watch when I venture outside. Garmin tech support, while friendly, could not ultimately do anything more for me than offer an exchange under warranty. So I'm boxing up my Forerunner 405 and sending it back to amazon.
I'm perhaps even more frustrated by how slow and plodding my progress on some research projects feels these days. After getting myself stuck in the equivalent of grading quicksand in November, the first couple of weeks of December have also brought a deluge of final exams and papers. Admittedly, this grading goes a bit faster because I put a lot fewer comments on them, but it is still time consuming and at times depressing. By far, grading is the least enjoyable part of my job and it feels like it has been the thing that I've been doing the most for weeks. All of the marking has left me feeling burnt out and mentally sluggish.
This past week I returned to an article manuscript that I need to do some additional research for and then revise before submitting it to an academic journal. I have been devoting time, but it feels like I have made little substantial progress. It is because I am starting over yet again. After several weeks of extremely limited research and writing, I feel out of practice and like my senses are dull. I know that, just like with running, it will get easier, and that's why carving out regular (daily is best) time for working on the scholarly component of my career is so crucial. But while I work to rebuild some momentum, I feel like my wheels are spinning.
So I'm stopping the engine for a day and refilling my tank with gas. I finished grading the last batch of finals yesterday afternoon. Today I'm reporting grades to the registrar and then taking the rest of the day off from all work. I'll go for a run, go to the post office to return my Forerunner, have lunch with my spouse, and go to a movie matinee. Maybe I'll paint my fingernails and read Jane Slayre or start The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Tomorrow I begin a writing workshop at my institution, and I really hope that it is useful for making progress on my writing goals. I plan to devote 8 hours a day to revising and working on my book manuscript proposal until I head for Louisiana later in the month.
How do you approach having to start over, yet again? What are some of your strategies for dealing with burn out and frustration?
Sorry you're feeling frustrated and burnt out. I've been in a bit of a funk lately myself, it's tough. I have so much to do research-wise, but I'd rather just take a nap. I think a lot of it is due to the time of year with such meager amounts of sunlight. I think you're doing very well creating some structure and sharing your experiences. I guess my opinion is just that sometimes the air just seems like jello and you have to slug along, knowing that other times will be easier. But I think taking a break and doing some fun things to re-charge is a great part of your strategy. I hope the workshop will help. And as for running, this time of year is difficult, when snuggling with cocoa is more appealing, so maybe give yourself some credit for staying active regularly.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good - and tough - question. I think, at a certain moment you just need to back away. If the thing you're chasing keeps eluding you, just let it go for a bit and watch how it starts to creep back. Remember, you're not a robot! (That can be tough for me not to forget.) Sometimes, you're not going to produce the way you expect to. And other times, you'll be through the roof with productivity.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that you've been feeling frustrated. I can definitely relate, at least with the academic stuff and the sense of spinning one's wheels with no real progress being made. As difficult as it is with so many pressing deadlines, I usually find those are the times when I need to just step away from it for a day and refocus myself before getting back to daily schedule of writing and researching. Even just a few hours away from it (and by that I mean not just away from my computer and the actual process of writing but also mentally away from it with my brain totally turned off through reading a fun book or going to the movies or napping on the couch and watching Law and Order reruns) helps me find a lot of clarity and just makes it seem marginally better. Don't worry, it'll turn itself around.
ReplyDeletexoxo ~ Courtneyhttp://sartorialsidelines.com
Yes, I feel the same way at the end of a semester, research/writing-wise. Writing groups are supposed to be really helpful, hopefully your writing workshop is fruitful. I've been downloading sources for future research projects to make sure I don't completely fall off the wagon. It's fun to read articles about future projects when you feel stuck in your current ones! I do this because I get too tempted to relax and recharge when what I should be doing is researching and writing more- it's tough to figure out when I really need to relax and when I'm just feeling crappy because of a lack of progress- these different emotions feel exactly and strangely the same.
ReplyDeleteI hear you. I get this a lot this time of year. Mostly because I cannot stay away from the chocolate and candy that is EVERYWHERE and then I eat like crap and feel like crap. Which is how I'm feeling today after eating badly all weekend. I definitely feel like I'm starting over with my awareness of what I'm eating. I was doing so well there for awhile and now I'm back to square one. BUT all we can do is pick up and start over again, right?
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your writing this month!!
It's tough at this time of the year to make much headway on goals. I think it's great you are taking a day to recharge the batteries. There should always be a bit of light at the end of the tunnel when working hard. Enjoy the day and then solider on!
ReplyDeleteOh, dear friend. I feel your pain! The last few weeks have been a barrage of problems, and I'm still wading through the muck trying to get back to shore. I've been coping by spending time AWAY from the problems: running dates with a friend, a road trip on Saturday to Galveston (so much fun!). And then I try to get back to problem-solving. Because of my computer problems, I haven't made as much progress on my grant-writing as I would like, but I'm trying to keep the faith that I'll be able to get a lot of writing done after the holiday break.
ReplyDeleteYou are a strong, capable woman. You'll get through the slump! xoxo
Your day plans sound great :) I love a good matinee (and I hope you enjoy Girl with the Dragon Tattoo!).
ReplyDeleteBest of luck in moving forward. I don't think I'm in a position to give advice on this topic (though I'm definitely related to Charlotte, too, ha), but I feel confident that you will get back on the track you want. I know for me it's sometimes just about meeting the little goals along the way (finishing 2 students' paperwork, running .25 longer than yesterday, making a healthy meal) that add up to feeling more positive and accomplished.
That sounds like an excellent way to recharge, and that's totally awesome that you're done with grading for the term- congrats! I've had to start over with my research projects a few times, and have seen it happen to most of the people around me (I'm not sure if it's the same in science as it is in the humanities, but sometimes your projects just fail completely or you get scooped), and basically i just try to get excited about starting something new and tell myself that skills and sometimes even results can be transferred to the re-started project. As far as physically starting over- I actually started taking dance classes after having done ballet seriously as a kid and casually in high school and college, so dancing after 3 or 4 years off was painful (both physically and mentally), but I think what's been the most reassuring thing to me is that I'm getting better (ever so slowly), and I've tried to tell myself that when I get frustrated with what I can't do. It helps that I've been taking classes in a really supportive and encouraging environment, so now that I'm a few months in, I'm feeling a lot less frustrated.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, a half day of work filled with reading and finger nail painting sounds like JUST the thing. Treat yourself to a fun new color!
ReplyDeleteI'm no one to give advice on starting over. I'm completely lost in that particular area. I've always been a planner and having to come up with brand new plans, when I was perfectly happy with my OLD plans, has got me stumped.
Try to focus on leraning what you can during this new season. Check out a new yoga class, the Bar Method, or boxing - something to really shake up,your fitness routine!
And sparkly red fingernails always help!
I get to start over, once again, with running in a few months. I'm just starting to accept it as part of the ebb and flow of life
ReplyDeleteI tend to go through the 'starting over' feeling in regards to running every spring. I haven't ran outside in the winter and the treadmill is just not the same as running outdoors. So when the temps warm up and I hit the pavement, I am disappointed when I glance at my watch. In the future, it might be best for me to leave the garmin behind for the first couple of weeks of getting back into running.. Although this year I am hoping to keep running through the winter. If it continues to be as mild as it's been, it's possible!
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a chance to recharge your battery after all that grading. When you have to do somethign that sort of sucks the life out of you, it's hard to find inspiration in other things... I go through this at work when I had to edit a monthly newsletter....
Ugh I feel your frustration. And I share much of it because this entire year has been a crash and burn for me running wise. I think all you can do is persevere. It WILL get better. Maybe I'll never get back to where I was but I'm trying to approach it from a position of gratitude for what I can do.
ReplyDeleteAcademically, I'll bet stepping away, for however short a time, will help get you flowing again.
Hang in there!
Wine helps. LOL
ReplyDeleteOn my second glass and watching a show on Netflix.... :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kristin! I'm sad I won't get to see you this holiday season. Do something fun in TO for me. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThank you, sweetie! Are you computer problems getting resolved?
ReplyDeleteIt felt like it took forever. I'm so glad to be done with grading until next semester.
ReplyDeleteI really like what you are saying about transferring skills and knowledge and even potentially results as you move into new projects and phases of research.
They're getting there! But I still don't have Windows Live Writer installed, which means I feel like I can't blog without my "blogging office." Maybe tomorrow I can get that done...maybe :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm actually dreading taking out a project I abandoned/put away as term got underway . . . It was the last article of my Research Leave, and I'd somehow imagined finishing it "off the side of my desk" this term, but alas, reality stepped in. There's not a chance that I can do anything over the break -- we have exams this week so having just finished marking essays, I'll start the next round Thursday and then try to collate grades and file them by the weekend -- and we're back January 3rd!! I admire your determination to put some time in through the writing workshop, but I think you're also very smart to plan some downtime. I often find that a day or two of moving between puttering/home clean-up and some mystery/light reading, a movie, a few Buffy episodes, etc., really helps to get the creative energy powering back up.
ReplyDeleteAnd btw, I think you've done a stellar job of getting back your fitness mojo after a disheartening injury. Pat yourself on the back!
I'm with Lisa on this one. I still let work stress, grading, etc... get me down in my work-life (so I empathize with you 100% there!) but on running... Somehow I can accept the ebb and flow of my pace and stamina in ways that I can't with work.
ReplyDeletePS - Agreed on the wine! But if wine isn't enough... try yoga? (I alternate between those two when I need to decompress.) :)
ReplyDeleteI take a deep breath and tell myself that I can do it. Best of luck to you! I hope the new year leaves you feeling fresh and ready to take it all on (and in).
ReplyDeleteI think that you need to focus on what you have finished, rather than what you haven't. I think that towards the end of the year, it's easy to look back and say, man I didn't do what I thought I would do this year. But that's okay! It's important to make goals and to realize that you are not going to attain all of them!
ReplyDeleteI get that feeling with my job all the time. Each time I start back at the beginning, not knowing anyone, not feeling like I know what I am doing, having to get to know new people and a new place etc. It's frustrating. To be honest, to keep sane, I usually run. I can do it anywhere and it gives me something to do in a place where I don't know anyone. It is my saving grace.
Ha, Jane Slayre? I'll admit that the history dork in me is a tiny bit curious about Elizabeth Tudor, Vampire Slayer.
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