This week I pretty much bonked on my long run. On Friday I had run 8 miles with my friend S. We decided to explore a new route and had enjoyed our run. However, I had not properly rehydrated after it. I had been planning to do my long run on Sunday, but upon consulting the forecast Friday evening, I realized that Saturday would be much better. Unfortunately, my hydration and nutrition were already off for running 17-18 miles the next day. Instead of salvaging them, I ate pizza for dinner, drank red wine at a friend's party, which I stayed at longer than I had intended to, and didn't drink enough water.
On Saturday morning I procrastinated, dawdling over my cup of coffee. I asked M. three times what the forecast was for Sunday (as if it would miraculously change after 5 minutes had passed). I finally got out the door and hit the path at 10am. It was sunny, and I was already thirsty. I wanted to drink the entire contents of my Camelbak after the first two miles.
In spite of my thirst, the first few miles went well, but at mile 5 my negative voice started coming out. I have been feeling anxious about this happening for the past couple of weeks, and on Saturday it finally did. My negative voice told me that I wasn't good enough to do the marathon, that I should just turn around and settle for 10 miles that day, that I should change my registration from the full to the half for next month. It even tried to trick me into thinking it was just looking out for me. It cajoled me, saying "R, if you do the half in June you will still have months to train for Chicago." It was almost powerful enough to get me to turn around. Somehow, though, I dug deep and managed to fight on for 17 miles. From somewhere deep inside, another part of me told me to keep going, to keep training for 26.2 right now, to get a win. Plodding, shuffling, wincing, running, walking. When I didn't listen to it, my negative voice got pissed and fought dirty. It continued to kick up demons of doubt and replay past failures of the running and non-running variety. But I didn't stop moving forward. Sometimes I talked back to my negative voice, encouraging myself, rebelling against my own negativity. Out loud I said, "I can do this. Just keep moving. Run one more minute." When that minute was up, I'd convince myself to run another one.
My pace was ridiculously slow, but I completed the run. Sometimes that's all you can do. Sometimes finishing is a victory -- especially when your negative voice tries to smack you down before you even actually hit the wall. And sometimes you get a win when you need one -- even if it isn't pretty.
How do you quiet your negative voice? What do you do when you hit an emotional wall on your long runs or in regular life?
right now my negative voice seems to have a lot to say...
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on sticking with it and overcoming the negative voice! So much of marathon training is mental - that's one of the reasons I love it. :)
ReplyDeleteHave your read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Non-Runners-Marathon-Trainer-David-Whitsett/dp/1570281823/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1304953092&sr=8-1
It's a marathon training book that addresses the physical and psychological aspects of running. It's been a while since I read it but I remember finding it incredibly inspiring and I still use some of the mental tricks and exercises they recommend. Might be worth a look!
Hi there
ReplyDeleteRaquelita,
First of
all I just want to say that you’re doing A LOT. You have a demanding job and
you’re training for a marathon! You fought through so first and foremost
congratulations.
You have
much more experience than I do, but here’s my 2 cents on pushing negative
thoughts away: When I have a bad run and really, really want to quit I try to
think about how much happier and more confident I am thanks to running. And
sometimes I think about my dad training for marathons by running in place (not
on a treadmill), so he could stay with us while my mom worked a second job at night.
My parents worked so hard and sacrificed so much, I think, the least I can do
is finish this run!
Hi! I'm reading a book called The New Toughness Training for Sports and that's been helping me. Mental toughness is something I have to train for almost as much as the actual training!
ReplyDeleteThis may sound terrible, but I think of other people who I have seen complete races and think, if they can do it, so can I. I don't pick on any particular person, or type of person, I just think of regular students, moms, and professionals who I see race and do really well- I know they have tons of shit to do, yet find a way to get it done, so I follow their examples. Honestly, though, it's very hard for me to do that on dry land. In the water, I let the water take me over and I just push, essentially closing my mind and coming close to meditating while exerting myself. I haven't figured out how to do that while running.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all: great job for finishing.
ReplyDeleteIt depends what I do with my negative voice. Sometimes I keep moving but there have been runs where I did turn around. It's different every time but I do know I haven't found a strategy yet to deal with it when it happens.
Way to push through and finish your run! That's awesome! I have problems sometimes while running when I want to stop early, but I feel guilty about it...and I remind myself that I have a goal and I'm going to reach that goal no matter what. I won't lie - sometimes it's hard, but but you gotta do it to make it through! Congrats again!!
ReplyDeleteGood going! Those negative voices are so tricky and hard to ignore!
ReplyDeleteI hate that negative voice =( I can't speak in terms of running, because when I want to stop I just do because I'm not training for anything. When I'm at the gym and I'm lifting I just try to push through and finish my set. Usually once that set is done I can tell myself just one more, I have to complete my circuit. Knowing my fitness routine will be posted on the blog makes me want to push through and finish my workout so I don't let myself down! GREAT job finishing your run, you should feel so proud!!
ReplyDeleteThey are jerks!
ReplyDeleteOh, Scarlett, thanks so much for your comment and for sharing this about your upbringing. If thinking of that isn't motivation, I don't know what is! Your parents sound awesome.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Chrissy! I've seen that book advertised on amazon and was intrigued. I'll have to check it out.
ReplyDeleteugh, I hate the negative voice. I usually end up slowing down or walking, then it just makes it worse, the important thing is to buckle down and finish, which is just what you did! Nice job.
ReplyDeleteChrissy, I wanted to thank you again for the book rec! I finished reading it a week or so ago, and, while I didn't love the style in which it was written, it had a ton of really helpful tips that helped me in the last stages of training and that will hopefully help me cross the finish line on Sunday!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you liked it! I have found instructional exercise books often aren't the best written, but the information in them is valuable once you get past the prose. I am currently reading the New Rules of Lifting for Women and it's educational but corny as hell. :)
ReplyDelete